Barsexuality is the new black.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
