It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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