Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The power of my boobs compel you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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