Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
