Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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