I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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