guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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