I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
