So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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