Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
