i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
