Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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