He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
