i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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