Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
