He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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