Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
