uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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