i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
