So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
