There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
