My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
