so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
