butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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