Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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