I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you traded sex for a burrito?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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