It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
