dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
