I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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