this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
