One girl and one boy is just not enough.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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