this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
