The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
