Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
