i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
