I wanna passion pit in your ass
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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