she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
