i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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