Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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