Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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