i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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