I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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