please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize