I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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