Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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