Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
