so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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