Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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