so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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