You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
