Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
