you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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