It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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