In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
