this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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