You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
