True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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