Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
