mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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