Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
