Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
