If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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