tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
