I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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